Wednesday, November 12, 2003

This year's winner of the "Greatest Post-Pilot Decay Award," given in memory of the late, unlamented John Doe, has got to be Tarzan. In fact, Tarzan suffers from almost the exact same problem that killed John Doe - after creating an initially interesting premise, the producers are unable to come up with any sort of plot that doesn't involve the main character becoming an honorary police officer.

Tarzan started off well enough, really. Jungle boy gets rescued by sinister uncle and kept in a cell, from which he escapes and meets an attractive young policewoman. The show looked good - early episodes were directed by X-Files veteran David Nutter and Buffy veteran David Solomon - dark, shady, mysterious. And they did a nice job with the fight scenes, all of which were very reminiscent of Brotherhood of the Wolf. All good signs. And it had Mitch "Shocker" Pilleggi as the evil uncle. And Xena as Tarzan's aunt (who, for reasons I don't entirely understand, decided to play her character in the most lecherous manner possible - yay, incest!)

And then they sort of ran out of steam. I guess Tarzan can't really stop poachers in the city, so he needs to hunt a sniper? It just seems like a waste of perfectly good premise. Like John Doe, the big story arcs seem to be consigned to the last 5 or 10 minutes of each episode.

Fortunately, the show has allegedly been killed already, so I can't complain too much. But wasted potential is always sad.

Rating: C

Reviewed by Padgett Arango
The Hills Have Eyes 2

Hostel Part II

Six Degrees



Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip


The Hills Have Eyes

Love Monkey

Out of Practice

Head Cases

Crunchwrap Supreme

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Batman Begins

Garden State


13 Going On 30




Kill Bill, Vol. 2

Line of Fire

We Shall All Be Healed

Happy Family

Arrested Development

Love Actually

A Minute with Stan Hooper


Karen Sisco

Stop All the World Now

Cold Case



Joan of Arcadia



Lost In Translation

House of 1000 Corpses

Bubba Ho-Tep

Darkness Falls

Pirates of the Caribbean

The Amazing Race

Treasure Island



To Hit Armor Class Zero

Without A Trace

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Life With Bonnie

JalapeƱo Cheeseburger

The Mothman Prophecies

Happy Campers

The Man Who Wasn't There

Kiss of the Dragon

Josie & the Pussycats

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Dr. Pepper

Know By Heart

Waking Life


Thirteen Ghosts

Earthlink presents Chang and Eng

New York and Country Bar


Motivation and Water Tower Grammar

Crossing Philly

Makeout Club


The Gap

The Abolition of Work

3000 Miles to Graceland



The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Diesel Sweeties

The Cold Six Thousand

The Grilled Stuft Burrito (Rebuttal)

60 Second Wipeout

The Patriot

Grilled Stuft Burrito



Frankenfinger E.P.

One Force Down


Both Our Secrets

Happy Birthday Captain Columbus!

Fight Club

Whatever It Takes


That Skinny Motherfucker with the High Voice?

Joe Dirt

The Veggie Whopper

Taco Bell Nachos


Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

The Terror of Mechagodzilla

To The Center


American Psycho

The Del Shredder

What Lies Beneath

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Bring It On

Chill Factor

Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars

Bad Company

The Blair Witch Project

Hyacinths and Thistles

Lake of Dracula

We'll Have a Time

Home Depot

Snow Day

The Virgin Suicides