As a devoted insomniac, I find myself watching a lot of television late at night, which means I have, for the most part, three options.
Bad horror films.
All things being equal, I will choose the bad horror film, and have so chosen for the past ten years or so, which means I have seen way too many bad horror films of every conceivable variety.
So believe me when I say that Kolobos is a bad horror film.
Five people agree to be on a reality TV project where they are put in a house and filmed. Being as this is a bad horror film, they all get murdered in not terribly creative manners. The directors occasionally try and give the film a little Williamson-esque self-referentiality, in which the characters talk about how bad horror films are, but soon give up on that in favor of over-the-top slicings and dicings.
Is there any reason to watch this, you might ask? Not especially. It's no worse than most of the bad horror films out there. The plot kinda falls apart at the end, and the special effects (such as they are) are nothing to write home about, but if you're looking for something to lull you to sleep, it's not bad.
The one vaguely noteworthy aspect of the film is Promise LaMarco who plays a hipster/fast food worker. I would put down as much as $5 that, within five years, she has a part on a sitcom or comedic drama (e.g., Northern Exposure, Gilmore Girls) as a wacky townsperson. She's certainly the only actor in this film that caught my attention. Unfortunately she gets chopped up about thirty minutes into the film, at which point I had a pretty hard time staying awake. Would it have been that hard to do an on-the-set rewrite (presuming there was, in fact, a script) and bumped off the bland blond actress first?
Rating: D+Reviewed by Padgett Arango